2 years ago yesterday I gave my life to Christ....
I was raised Catholic, never read my Bible, hated church since I didn't understand what was being said, I tried to be "good" at times and then I would mess up (especially after confession), I sometimes wore a scapular (says if you are wearing it when you die you don't go to hell). I knew Catholics that read tarot cards and did the zodiac thing and are for abortion (I'm not). I found out that Catholics aren't supposed believe in those things. I ended up becoming Pagan..it seemed better that way. There was no lying about what did behind closed doors and I could be who I wanted to be and believe what I wanted to believe. I drank, smoked, gossiped, lied, fornicated, lusted, hated and the list goes on. I had nobody to answer to (so I thought)
I wasn't having the best day on Sep 5 2008 when I found out my cousin was in town. I sent her a text to bring me some alcohol and we could drink together, since she was always drinking. She came, but didn't bring me alcohol... She told me about Jesus (I knew who he was already) and gave me her testimony. I saw the joy she now had and a true change in her...
She knew I was Pagan, but that didn't stop her from talking to me because she was now a Christian or judge me. I remembered some dreams I had awhile back of being in hell (at the time I didn't believe in). I don't know why I payed more attention to her...maybe it was because I knew her life before and she was family. I couldn't scare her away by saying I'm Pagan like I did so many times when people would come to my door to tell me about Jesus. She invited me over to my aunt's and uncle's house for dinner the following day. I went and that's when she asked if I wanted to go to a concert that her church was having. I didn't see a problem with that. We drove about 45 min to where she now lives and went to the concert. My other cousin (her sister) also went. It was OK, but all I was worrying about was the cute guys I saw there. After the concert was over a lady came up and started talking about Jesus to me and another lady to my cousin that came with us. She was crying and I was like "OH BROTHER!" I rolled my eyes and was rude I said "I don't care what you want to say plus I need to make a phone call." I called my other aunt and was like "These freaks are trying to talk to me about Jesus!" After we left we left my cousin asked if I had a Bible. I told her I threw one away a long time ago. She stopped at a bookstore and bought me one... "Gee thanks..uh...."
We then went to her house where she put on Passion of the Christ.. I was mocking her and laughing at her. She was crying and so was my other cousin while they were watching clippings of this. I then went outside and smoked a cig. After the crying fest was over I went inside. She said she was going to read her Bible, pray and go to sleep. We were also going to go to church the next day with her. My other cousin and I stayed up late talking. We realized that we hadn't partied together as adults. "Are you going to give you life to Christ?" I asked her. She said that she might someday. "You?" she asked me "NO way!" " Well, if you ever decide to do it" she said " wait till after next week cuz I want to party with you this weekend." We talked more about other things and then went to bed.
The next day I made myself all up and we went to church (Sep 7 , 2008). A guy in a yellow shirt came up to me to shake my hand. I thought look at this dweeb trying to make friends and nobody probably likes him and that stupid yellow shirt! He said I'll be back to introduce myself... I said "Nobody cares who you are!" (the funny thing about this is he is an AWESOME man of God who is now dating my cousin) ANYWAYS.. I told my other cousin that came with us NOT to cry and NOT to give her life to Christ cuz like she said we still need to party together.. I listened to the sermon. Both of my cousins were tearing up and I couldn't stop rolling my eyes. I remembered a verse that caught my attention. Matt 19:26 "But Jesus beheld [them], and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible" That touched me a TINY bit.... They pulled an alter call and I heard him say I see that hand! NO WAY it BETTER NOT be my cousin! I thought. I looked and her hands were still down. I thought GOOD! After church a lady came to sit next to us and asked my cousin if she wanted to pray. My cousin shot her the meanest look and said I'm already praying! This is what I heard when she asked me. " Can I pray for you?" LOL I said "Sure!" I thought do what you want and pray for me I really don't care! She said ok repeat after me. HUH?! Ok.... Some people say that you can only get saved unless you mean it with your whole heart. Well here was a perfect case of someone who didn't. I didn't feel anything different when we left. On the way back to town. I lit up a cig...funny it tasted different. My cousin said did you give your life to Christ? I said... UHHH I think I did.....
When I got home I tried another cig it was nasty! I got a call from my cousin asking if I was going to go to church that night. I was like I already went this morning!!! I'm not going AGAIN this week! That night a friend of mine was coming over to drink with me. He brought alcohol and said I'll be right back. Well, I wasn't one to wait so I took a drink.. It tasted the same way that my cig tasted. NASTY! That's when I realized God doesn't want me smoking of drinking. I dumped the alcohol out and threw the cigs out and didn't answer the door or phone when my friend came back.
A few days later (Wednesday) there was church again. I decided that I would go ahead and go. OMGoodness I remember thinking this Pastor knows ME! EVERYTHING he was saying was about me!!!! I was soooo excited and wanted to go more and more! I was in my Bible all the time ( 6 plus hours a day...seriously) I couldn't get enough of God's word!!!.Reading, knowing and memorizing is different than applying it to my life and that's what I was doing! I was convicted of my gossip and lying and God took it all away. I didn't try to stop any of it He did it for me! I had the worst potty mouth for a female (or male) ever!!! GONE! I was convicted of the music I was listening to and the things I was watching and I threw out a lot of DVDs and CDs... funny nobody told me I needed to do this. God was convicting me and I didn't mind it! I wasn't flirting anymore or fornicating. I forgave those who I needed to as well. God made a change in me! I no longer was this vindictive, mean person full of hate and bitterness!
It was the best thing that I could of done. I was headed straight to hell even when I was religious and didn't even know it. I'm glad I didn't die before this. I KNOW for a fact if I did. I would be in Hell for all eternity..and that is a scary thing!!! I had to repent from my sins and turn from them as well, also accept Jesus as my Savior and know that God came in the flesh by sending his only Son to die for my sins that way I can have eternal life with Him! This was never about a religion or a church it was about a relationship with Christ I NOW know that!
I have been meaning to post my testimony for sometime now... I think this was the perfect time to do it!